Depression just seems to be a part of relationships if you are in them long enough. This happens to be a belief held by many.
Well we don’t agree with this and our intention here will be to simplify this subject.
We know that most never stop to think, “where does this depression actually come from”. We blame others or there is something mentally wrong with us. So we accept the fact that it just happens and there is nothing we can do about it. These thoughts bring on hopelessness.
Well we know and most don’t want to hear this, but depression is bought on by the person that is in a depressed state.
They have written a story that has “victim” tied to it. As a victim, it is “not your fault”. And since it is not your fault, then what can you do?
If you stare at that statement, the answer is in the question.
First step is to accept that it is your fault. Then realize it is the victim story that was written.
There lies the answer.
Rewrite the story.
Change the story about your relationship to a point where you are at peace in your life. Once you are at peace, you will notice a shift in your relationship.
At this point, you can decide if the relationship you are in is serving you or not. Then and only then, should the question on whether to stay or get out of a relationship should manifest.
You shouldn’t leave any relationship until you resolve your “peace” issue first.
Because you will take that same person (not at peace) into your next relationship and wonder why you are getting the same results.
Again, once you are at peace, you can take an honest look at the relationship and decide – “I am in or I am out”.
Sex on a schedule has always been a funny topic. There are people that will say, “I don’t have sex on the first date.”
Well do you have sex on the 2nd or 3rd?
How long do you wait?
This is where the idea of the “90 Day Sex Rule” came into being. It is believed that 90 days is a good period of time to get to know someone to see if they are worth you going to bed with them.
Didn’t that sound bad?
It was intended too.
Why would something as valuable as your body be measured based on a calendar or playing games with someone.
We have talked with young ladies and asked them would they give a guy they just met the keys to their car. The answer has always been “No”. Some of them wouldn’t give the keys to the guy and they have been with him passed a 90 day period.
Then our reply is: “But you would go to bed with him. You have just said your car is more valuable than you.”
Every women that has heard that has said “Woooooohhhhhh!!!! I never looked at it that way.”
Our intentions are to teach people that when you learn to value “You”, when and with who will answer itself.
Clarity in you is the first relationship that must be addressed. The song “Man in the Mirror” has more meaning than most people understand.
We teach, before you leave home or first thing in the morning, make sure that the person in the mirror is on your team. If they are not, go back to bed or figure out a way to get them in agreement. Bottom line, don’t leave home without them.
Think about it, you are with you all day every day. If you are constantly beating up on you, how can you accomplish your desires. The person you should be able to depend on is not with you. Those thoughts and vibes will be passed on to others.
Some wonder why they can’t get people in agreement with them in business, relationships, etc. If you can’t win over “You”, how can you persuade others to want to be a part of something you are involved in?
So spend “Me Time” daily (a minimum of 1 hour). Be grateful for what you have and fall in love with you. There are medias that you can get your hands on.
All we know is when that relationship (with self) is in harmony, all the outside relationships will fall into place.
Relationships work when you accept a person exactly as they are. Problems are created when your intentions are to change someone when they are okay where they are.
If they are asking for help and direction, that is different than you telling them which way to go.
The different paths are easily described by colors. A person is on the red road, the blue road, the yellow road, etc.
The key to relationships is to find someone that is walking the same color road (path) that you are on.
Do not take a person from the red road and bring them over to the yellow road (unless they have made the decision on their own). They will always be looking back at the red road and wondering or believing they are missing out on something.
They will eventually resent you for it, even though they had a choice.
Negatives about your partner to others is a practice that you should stay away from.
You speak badly about your partner but you stay with them. Then you want those around you to support it. Well they look at it as, “Just because you are willing to be mistreated, doesn’t mean I have to be happy about you being mistreated.”
If you look at it from that perspective, it makes a lot of sense.
We have had many people ask that we share insights with people in an effort to get them to leave their partner. We always reply, “They are with the right person for them at this moment.”
Most take a step back and are shocked to hear that.
We understand that when the person recognizes their value, they will make the adjustment without the input from others.
Some people don’t get it. You can share great information with that person (the one being mistreated) and they decide to leave the person that is mistreating them. Then turn around and go back.
Why? They haven’t changed the way they see themselves.
Oh yeah, some don’t go back to the original person that mistreated them, but they find someone new that acts the same way.
So really they did go back.
If you are in a negative situation and you have not made the decision that you are finished with that person, then don’t share with family and friends. They will not understand (and probably shouldn’t) and will not support you staying.
Folks we are not talking about physical or mental abuse. You need to help those you care about. But unfortunately even in these instances, most stay. Why? They don’t know their value. Increase their value and they will take charge and make changes.
“Men are all the same” is a belief that will cause a person to attract the same type of person. The comment is not accurate, but it will be true for the person that believes it.
Remember, you attract that which you put out into the world. If your thoughts are “Focused” on a particular type of “man”, then you will only bring a person with those qualities into your life.
If you want different, then you have to take what you “don’t want” from past experiences and get clear on what you “do want”. Then spend your time focused on what you “do want” and a “different” individual will show up.
Relationships in your past will serve you well in the future if you understand the “don’t wants” and the clarity they bring to your life. It will allow you to create healthy relationships, if you understand its significance.
What you learn from the “don’t want” is what you “do want”. Focus on what you “do want” and bring in a different person.
But remember, you must close the door on the old relationship (they were only presented to help you sort out what you really want). If you don’t close the door on the old, the new person will be held “hostage” to beliefs you created from the past.
Again, don’t get upset about the past and the different people, they were a part of the journey to help you to become get more clarity so you could truly enjoy the ride called life.